Attachment Bond Breach Repair.

We can repair an attachment bond breach. We say to our care giver, “I am so angry with you that I want to pull out your eyeballs and stab you in the heart.”
The angelic care giver would say, “Oh My! I am so glad you told me this. I had no idea I hurt you so badly.” Then our care giver would say, “Please tell me more about your anger and what it wants to do to me. Let me know what I did to hurt you so much.”
Then we’d tell them exactly those things. Then they’d say, “I am so sorry and I’ll work on not doing that again.” So the topic can be spoken and repaired any time it recurs. We all know it will recur, we’re human. Still, the attachment bond breach is repaired.
As we imagine, this is not common. Most care givers, parents, teachers, bosses, elders, do not want to hear our anger and rage toward them. They want us to be quiet about it and not show our emotions. This is the pattern their care givers used to contain the same problems when they grew up. So then we have generations of impaired relations and impaired emotional closeness. We have generations of lonely people.

Who Has Old Scarred Pain?

Must Our Intimate Passion Dither over Time?
Upsets in sexual links arise. These mostly occur at the point we both bring to play our husks that defend us from old scarred pain. They limit our power to go on to enjoy the double impact of our sexuality and our intimacy. After a first phase of “falling in love” usually noted and loaded with:
Ardent sex.
Emotional closeness.
Honest friendship . . . many of us evolve a fantasy bond. This often takes place after we assure a major series of moves:
Live in one place.
Bond at the same time legally.
Keep up our mutual growth.
Set up a couple with heavy duties.
We may revert to:
*&* More usual, mechanical style of making love. *&* Minify our feelings of pull for each other.
*&* Make love less often.
C’Mon! Our single or joint ennui is a topic we can deal with! Formal custom, limits, fate, divine spark nor inner growth are under attack. With a curious, exposed heart we draw near each other . . . again.

Do We Ever Heal?

Shared Feelings in Real Time.
Our ‘whole person,’ ‘inter sparkle matrix,’ over rides in the care of those of us with old deep trauma. Our wide spread sense of other world origin looms. Our closed down looms. The shadow of our past too often looms . . . large within us. Still, we know, each moment with deep states of "mutual inter penetration of minds" foster ways to heal. We use the power of our shift. We move toward potent growth via our “right now” entree to real events. As we embark on a "shared spirit voyage," in real time, our care giver / care receiver dyad gives us over to non verbal acts. ‘Patchy’ marks our times with each other. Spontaneity is what we fondly term "sloppiness." The pay off is a chance to forge new ways of being  with  each other. We write over more than one old script with new, joint effort focus, styles and ways.
This is the stuff of visceral care, but in a new, purer form. What we offer calls for rock steady courage and core focus as we care give. We "Let Go" of our safe, sweet secure covers. We "Let Go" of theory, tactic, and explicit study matter. We let lay, at times, all maps and path finder tools. We jump rashly into areas with no facts to orient us. In this awaits unique potent energy. Our "moments of meeting" herald deep and sudden change for us and for our care givers.
Dan Stern has written an illuminating and meditative exploration of this phenomenon in his book The Present Moment.