Must Our Intimate Passion Dither over Time?
Upsets in sexual links arise. These mostly occur at the point we both bring to play our husks that defend us from old scarred pain. They limit our power to go on to enjoy the double impact of our sexuality and our intimacy. After a first phase of “falling in love” usually noted and loaded with:
Ardent sex.
Emotional closeness.
Honest friendship . . . many of us evolve a fantasy bond. This often takes place after we assure a major series of moves:
Live in one place.
Bond at the same time legally.
Keep up our mutual growth.
Set up a couple with heavy duties.
We may revert to:
*&* More usual, mechanical style of making love. *&* Minify our feelings of pull for each other.
*&* Make love less often.
C’Mon! Our single or joint ennui is a topic we can deal with! Formal custom, limits, fate, divine spark nor inner growth are under attack. With a curious, exposed heart we draw near each other . . . again.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Does That DNA Stuff Work?
Hormones And Neuro Peptides.
Guided visualization is one way to help us “chill out.” Then we can notice our basic form. Guided visualization will help us believe in ourselves. It helps us quiet our mind. We may also use self hypnosis, call out our hopes and needs, self care, or all forms of inner focus. We may breathe deeply, walk in nature, dance, sing, listen to music, play, and/or simply enjoy a bath or Jacuzzi.
Any tactic that helps us relax and let go of tension is our best choice. When we let go of tension, we blend our inner secret life with our social image.
We’ll change who we are at a cellular and a neuron level. As feelings of self love build, our body will burble with an out flow of hormones and neuro peptides. All these meld us with our need for love. We’ll fall more in love with ourselves. We’ll create a new us. We’ll be more open to accept and give love in a sane, stable way. We’ll be more able to hold steady the intimacy that we need. We’ll create strong and sweet relations with others.
Guided visualization is one way to help us “chill out.” Then we can notice our basic form. Guided visualization will help us believe in ourselves. It helps us quiet our mind. We may also use self hypnosis, call out our hopes and needs, self care, or all forms of inner focus. We may breathe deeply, walk in nature, dance, sing, listen to music, play, and/or simply enjoy a bath or Jacuzzi.
Any tactic that helps us relax and let go of tension is our best choice. When we let go of tension, we blend our inner secret life with our social image.
We’ll change who we are at a cellular and a neuron level. As feelings of self love build, our body will burble with an out flow of hormones and neuro peptides. All these meld us with our need for love. We’ll fall more in love with ourselves. We’ll create a new us. We’ll be more open to accept and give love in a sane, stable way. We’ll be more able to hold steady the intimacy that we need. We’ll create strong and sweet relations with others.
Humans Who Snuggle!
We Both Snuggle with Our Growth.
We both snuggle with and take ‘care filled’ note of our growth. We share our care via our mutual give n’ take.
** We regress, as well as stir, to relive distant memories.
** We bring forth knowledge and recover forgotten scenes.
** We make simple a wakened kind of egress into our larger minds.
** Then: We siphon into many forms of buried facts.
** We set off varied styles of new notions.
** We tap into long and deeply embedded chunks of memory.
** We need an aware soak in our hidden mind.
Then our ideas of who we are slide and move. We move beyond fixed, husked and/or abulic mind flows.
We both snuggle with and take ‘care filled’ note of our growth. We share our care via our mutual give n’ take.
** We regress, as well as stir, to relive distant memories.
** We bring forth knowledge and recover forgotten scenes.
** We make simple a wakened kind of egress into our larger minds.
** Then: We siphon into many forms of buried facts.
** We set off varied styles of new notions.
** We tap into long and deeply embedded chunks of memory.
** We need an aware soak in our hidden mind.
Then our ideas of who we are slide and move. We move beyond fixed, husked and/or abulic mind flows.
Upbeat Affects To Explore the World. The mastery Affects of Joy, Play, Enthusiasm, Delight and Excitement. DNA asks us to seek a two way flow of affect. We need our affect life held normal. We need known, predictable care givers.’ This sets up our sense of safety. It also sets up a well modulated never ending curiosity. These seeker seeds, fuel the rapid growth of our quest. We seek novel socio emotional and physical environments. This trait is a marker of lively mental health.
We display positively charged curiosity. It’s a marker of mental health across our life span. Care givers’ amplify and regulate our curious quest. This care is critically important to our:
Stead fast growth.
Find and enjoy of new capacities.
Heal of old losses.
Work around our unique deficits.
The "practicing" period occurs in those early times of our new growth. We define it by high levels of positive hedonic affect. It’s worldly concordance with our ‘slam dunk’ mental skills to show us who we are. Our body has power for calm and motion. The growth of our pre frontal cortex, an area of our brain vital to inter cede with social and emotional acts, leaps ahead. Care giver affect during our new skill phase is over whelmingly loaded with fond touch, play, and care giving. Our care givers delight in all that we find. They note with joy how our new skills emerge. This is basic. We amplify our power over more and more of our world. Our ways search and assert. Our wonder does focus on the world. Our usual and honor filled affect tone is joyful, ample and grand.
We display positively charged curiosity. It’s a marker of mental health across our life span. Care givers’ amplify and regulate our curious quest. This care is critically important to our:
Stead fast growth.
Find and enjoy of new capacities.
Heal of old losses.
Work around our unique deficits.
The "practicing" period occurs in those early times of our new growth. We define it by high levels of positive hedonic affect. It’s worldly concordance with our ‘slam dunk’ mental skills to show us who we are. Our body has power for calm and motion. The growth of our pre frontal cortex, an area of our brain vital to inter cede with social and emotional acts, leaps ahead. Care giver affect during our new skill phase is over whelmingly loaded with fond touch, play, and care giving. Our care givers delight in all that we find. They note with joy how our new skills emerge. This is basic. We amplify our power over more and more of our world. Our ways search and assert. Our wonder does focus on the world. Our usual and honor filled affect tone is joyful, ample and grand.
Do We Ever Heal?
Shared Feelings in Real Time.
Our ‘whole person,’ ‘inter sparkle matrix,’ over rides in the care of those of us with old deep trauma. Our wide spread sense of other world origin looms. Our closed down looms. The shadow of our past too often looms . . . large within us. Still, we know, each moment with deep states of "mutual inter penetration of minds" foster ways to heal. We use the power of our shift. We move toward potent growth via our “right now” entree to real events. As we embark on a "shared spirit voyage," in real time, our care giver / care receiver dyad gives us over to non verbal acts. ‘Patchy’ marks our times with each other. Spontaneity is what we fondly term "sloppiness." The pay off is a chance to forge new ways of being with each other. We write over more than one old script with new, joint effort focus, styles and ways.
This is the stuff of visceral care, but in a new, purer form. What we offer calls for rock steady courage and core focus as we care give. We "Let Go" of our safe, sweet secure covers. We "Let Go" of theory, tactic, and explicit study matter. We let lay, at times, all maps and path finder tools. We jump rashly into areas with no facts to orient us. In this awaits unique potent energy. Our "moments of meeting" herald deep and sudden change for us and for our care givers.
Dan Stern has written an illuminating and meditative exploration of this phenomenon in his book The Present Moment.
Our ‘whole person,’ ‘inter sparkle matrix,’ over rides in the care of those of us with old deep trauma. Our wide spread sense of other world origin looms. Our closed down looms. The shadow of our past too often looms . . . large within us. Still, we know, each moment with deep states of "mutual inter penetration of minds" foster ways to heal. We use the power of our shift. We move toward potent growth via our “right now” entree to real events. As we embark on a "shared spirit voyage," in real time, our care giver / care receiver dyad gives us over to non verbal acts. ‘Patchy’ marks our times with each other. Spontaneity is what we fondly term "sloppiness." The pay off is a chance to forge new ways of being with each other. We write over more than one old script with new, joint effort focus, styles and ways.
This is the stuff of visceral care, but in a new, purer form. What we offer calls for rock steady courage and core focus as we care give. We "Let Go" of our safe, sweet secure covers. We "Let Go" of theory, tactic, and explicit study matter. We let lay, at times, all maps and path finder tools. We jump rashly into areas with no facts to orient us. In this awaits unique potent energy. Our "moments of meeting" herald deep and sudden change for us and for our care givers.
Dan Stern has written an illuminating and meditative exploration of this phenomenon in his book The Present Moment.
Ahhh Yes - - - Fears.
We Set Aside Our Fears and Risk Being Open.
How can two of us get
inside our “love cocoon”?
This happens. Two of us may open a part of ourselves that we, by habit, do not share with others. This makes us vulnerable to being hurt. It is risky, and particularly scary for those of us who have scars of hurt when we have made ourselves “too open.” But, when our 'other' also responds with a tender touch and a newly shown part, then we have a joining.
Shared open hearts set off close care. No matter how much we work on our mirror give n’ take skills and on our sexual skills, we’ll not get to close care until we learn to set aside our fears and risk being open with our 'other.'
To label our fears and to work on them is a great way to work on having more close care.
Is it fear that stops us from having what we want?
Let’s work on a small fear to test it out for ourselves.
How can two of us get
inside our “love cocoon”?
This happens. Two of us may open a part of ourselves that we, by habit, do not share with others. This makes us vulnerable to being hurt. It is risky, and particularly scary for those of us who have scars of hurt when we have made ourselves “too open.” But, when our 'other' also responds with a tender touch and a newly shown part, then we have a joining.
Shared open hearts set off close care. No matter how much we work on our mirror give n’ take skills and on our sexual skills, we’ll not get to close care until we learn to set aside our fears and risk being open with our 'other.'
To label our fears and to work on them is a great way to work on having more close care.
Is it fear that stops us from having what we want?
Let’s work on a small fear to test it out for ourselves.
Is Close Care Safe?
Our “Close Care Cocoon.”
To become intimate means to become really close. To most of us, as humans, it means being sexual. But it is likely we can be sexual and not be intimate. To some of us close care means to talk and to share. We share things that have great value to us. But that can also be done when we’re not intimate.
What is it that can make these things our “intimate” cocoon of close care?
Our close care refers to us and our 'other.' We’ve gone away from the rest of the world. Still, we’re not away from each other. We attach to each other. It is as though the two of us are inside a love cocoon. Being inside this cocoon gives our relation extra value.
In our love cocoon we liven some old imprinted events. These are events from long ago when we traded snuggles, or hoped to, with our care giver(s) we had trust in.
To become intimate means to become really close. To most of us, as humans, it means being sexual. But it is likely we can be sexual and not be intimate. To some of us close care means to talk and to share. We share things that have great value to us. But that can also be done when we’re not intimate.
What is it that can make these things our “intimate” cocoon of close care?
Our close care refers to us and our 'other.' We’ve gone away from the rest of the world. Still, we’re not away from each other. We attach to each other. It is as though the two of us are inside a love cocoon. Being inside this cocoon gives our relation extra value.
In our love cocoon we liven some old imprinted events. These are events from long ago when we traded snuggles, or hoped to, with our care giver(s) we had trust in.
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