Soul Mates are People Growers. Soulmate is somebody with whom we have a feeling of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality, and/or compatibility. A soulmate is a partner who feels right, thru and thru. With a soulmate, things are improbably easy. We’ve no noise in the signaling. Our cues are picked up, and honored, as they were intended to be. A soulmate feels like our missing half. They make us feel complete. It's a beautiful dream, and one that animates much if not most of our romantic questing. Unfortunately, the dream of the perfect partner is, well, imperfect. First, issues arise even between soulmates. We’ll never know a relation that’s completely free of tension. We’ve no soulmate exemptions. Second, the best and highest purpose of relation may not be to get along well, with a minimum of disruption. It may be precisely the opposite - to challenge us to grow beyond our current limits. These issues require a measure of conflict, unhappiness and tension. Personal growth is factual and valuable. We’re growing. Mostly we’re always growing more. We’re growing more wisdom, more blended, more complete. Personal growth is one of our missions. It’s also a mission of relation. Relations are people growing machines. When we rub up against our partner (not in a way that feels good!), we’re offered an opportunity: to become more than we were. Relations can collapse because of too much conflict, and also because of too little. We might have an unhappiness trap. It can be wise to get out when the going gets too painful. We’ve also a soulmate trap, and as unlikely as it may seem, it can also be the path of wisdom to get out when the going is too easy. The best relations produce pearls out of the grit of conflict - and leaven the challenges with large and frequent doses of laughter, humility and love.